Sometimes I'm Just...Tired

The pressure athletes - in any discipline - put on themselves is enormous. It has to be. The chances of having someone enforcing that alarm clock every morning, stacking the weights every session or pushing the lungs another second past exhaustion is not realistic. The drive to succeed has to come from within. Discipline is required every.single.day. Challenges arise, frustration occurs and disappointment is unavoidable. But still, we expect ourselves to show up. In fact, we demand it. 

But sometimes, I'm just tired. 

Somedays, I don't want that epic eulogy or care about a powerful legacy. Somedays, I just want to get lost in the woods, disappear from society, forget about the expectations set by myself and others, ignore the demand for growth and just snuggle in the warmth of comfort. I don't want to feel my muscles ache or finish work only to jump into more efforts that strain my brain. 

But what's hardest about being me... about being Sav, is that want for ease is always overpowered by the passion to be and do more. To rattle the world awake to the suffering around, to pioneer the reality that we are capable of more than we've ever credited ourselves and ultimately to ensure every individual has the opportunity to actualize their potential. 

But still, I'm tired. 

It has been a process (sometimes, a very ugly, mascara smeared everywhere and dribbling snot process), but I am learning it's okay to take a minute. It's okay to step back and take a breath. In fact, the moments I've given myself permission to pause, is when I'm able to return with the zest I was missing. This message unfortunately, to take breaks before we break, isn't something we preach from any pulpit. We run away because we didn't learn to walk. We quit because we never learnt to rest...and we abandon hope in our dreams because we never made space for it to crumble before it assembled. 

Running ultras has taught me that tempo is everything. I have seen individuals tell me they can't run more than 1KM hit a 10KM with me simply because we establish the pace of accomplishment, not the pace of comparison. 

I'm learning, that it's okay to be tired. That's it's okay to rest.

It's not a sign that I'm quitting. Not a sign that I'm weak or uncommitted or even lazy. It's a sign that I'm metamorphosing; challenging myself and growing. A sign that I'm honouring the signals sent to improve me, not ruin me. 

So to everyone, whose mind is constantly racing with the question, "Am I doing enough? Am I worthy of this rest? Will I reach my goal?" Let me say one single thing: Yes. 

You might just be tired. 

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